The Weight You Can’t See

I last wrote about my 200-pound weight loss, discovering the new me by making small changes with consistency. Though I described a bit of the mental journey that coincided with my physical journey, I want to focus today on how wellness comes into play for each of you serving in the emergency services.

In particular, I will address two aspects of wellness that can thrive in harmony or battle for dominance: mental health and professionalism.

When dealing with emergencies daily, we adapt to living in a hypervigilant state—always on guard, prepared for the worst, and accepting no known outcome or resolution. We may push dark realities aside or even develop a cynical or macabre humor to laugh off the accumulating stress before we pick up another call.

If you can’t relate, I’m happy for you. But sometimes the mental consequences aren’t evident until we take a step back, relax, and find ourselves waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Daily, we face the frustration and loss of investing in people in peril, but often we bury it in the name of professionalism. We don’t process a widow’s desperate cries while performing CPR on her spouse. We don’t mourn the blue toddler pulled from the water. We ignore the smashed metal fragments from a vehicle collision we pass while driving home.

We signed up to be their strength, so we don’t consider ourselves as part of the damage. We show up for our next shift, polished, prepared, and professional—always.

Carrying the burden
Where does all that emotion go? The unfortunate answer is that it turns into negativity, burnout, and anxiety, which spills into our personal well-being. At least, that’s what happened to me in the early days. 
In fact, my first call as an Emergency Dispatcher was horrible. It had an immediate impact on my mental health through the rest of my time under the headset—though I didn’t recognize it right away.¹

Fifteen years into my career, while working at NENA as the Director of Education, that tragedy bubbled up inside of me. I started experiencing memories that took me on a turbulent spiral. I not only turned to food as a crutch, but also alcohol. In my search for relief, I settled for numbness.

Finally, a good friend of mine—who happens to be a world-class psychologist—Dr. Michelle Lilly asked me, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Her question was posed as a caring friend, not as a clinical practitioner, but her experience as a psychologist brought to light the fact that my anxiety and depression were taking control. I couldn’t just rub some dirt on it and move on. Instead, I decided to finally do the work.

Mental shift
I learned some great coping skills to help with my anxiety (especially on flights). I talked with a therapist regularly, and I openly shared my mental health journey with my co-workers and friends because I knew it could help us all.

Over the last few years, I’ve created a mental shift regarding how I look at the work I do. I feel like I’m a better person, a better mentor, a better leader, and a better advocate for all of 911 because of that personal growth. I’ve been able to inspire and encourage others in this industry through new opportunities, and that brings an added fulfillment to my life.

But I’ve learned it could just as easily go the other way, especially if you don’t face your own heaviness. For some emergency dispatchers, the shadows of trauma and strain show up in defensiveness, badmouthing, and complaining about policies and administration. Suddenly our commitment to professionalism shifts into a devastating blame game where no one wins.

That mental attitude becomes a bad example for the brand of 911. It’s easy to grow your anger and throw shade at the system you hold responsible (instead of yourself). It’s so much harder to reflect and reject that culture, recognizing that it doesn’t match our mission or what we’re all about. And it’s not a good look on you either.

Whether this rings true for you or others that surround you, it’s time to have a difficult conversation to recommit and rebuild. Remember that whatever you feed will grow, whether that’s healthy support and commitment or disgruntled alienation.

When it comes to comm. center culture, "If you permit it, you promote it."

Conclusion
Your stability, positivity, and growth mindset can help shape the world around you. That’s not to say that we don’t still have frustrations or hurdles in our path. But our mentality affects our peer-to-peer interactions and the progress we can make together.

As you examine your own mindset, consider how your thoughts become words, your words become actions, and your actions become your character. If those thoughts are not conducive to the health and well-being you need to thrive personally and professionally, perhaps it’s time to start listening to the voice inside that says it begins with you.

Source
1. Gainor, D. “Five years after a tragic DC 911 misfire, America’s emergency dispatch systems are still overwhelmed and underfunded.” Cable News Network (CNN). A Warner Bros. Discovery Company. 2025; Aug. 24. https://www.cnn.com/2025/08/24/us/dc-911-dispatch-system-problems (accessed March 26, 2026).